The Rapture

Well, Peeps, if you're reading this, you're a heathen just like me.  Congratulations and welcome to the club.  Looks like Heaven isn't really in the cards for us anymore... so we'll just have to party it up in Hell! Mwaahaahaa.

Sike.

Yes, I did bring back "sike".  Don't judge me.

Seriously, though.  I know everyone's all blah blah blah the Rapture blah blah blah global earthquakes blah blah blah save the righteous, and I'm a little bit over it, but before I decree the end of this boring topic, I need need need need to tell you about another "why me?" that I had a few days ago...

Dani and I were chatting the other day at Lisa's graduation.
(You'll remember Dani from the Bingo Epidemic.)

We were having a conversation about The Rapture, making jokes and whatnot, when some innocent-looking lady turned around and smiled at us.  I thought nothing of it and continued making jokes about calling the pet store for 2 of every animal, and lesbian gerbils*.

Innocent-looking lady slows her step and tries to keep pace with me and the Why me? conversation goes as follows:

Lady: You seem to know a lot about religion.
Me: Yes, ma'am, I do.  I studied religion in college and was raised Roman Catholic.
Lady: That's really nice.  Do you believe in Heaven?
Me: Yep.
Lady: Do you think that you're going to go to Heaven?
Me:  No, probably not.
Lady:  I can tell you the secret to get into Heaven, would you like to know?
Me:  Cool.  Is it, like, a magic trick?
Lady: No.
(She starts to get annoyed here with my lack of acceptance of her biblical bullshit.)
Lady:  All you have to do is accept the Lord God, Jesus Christ into your heart and ask for forgiveness.
Me:  Really, that's it?  So, if I went out and robbed a bank, and then just said I was sorry, I'd be forgiven?
Lady:  No.  You have to mean it.
Me: Oh, well I probably won't mean it.  Oh well.

Seriously, I don't even take religious pushing from my grandmother and I love her.  Why would I listen to some lady I don't know try to "save" me?  No thanks.

Billy Joel said it right, I'd rather laugh with the sinners that cry with the saints, sinners have much more fun.

Plus, I've seen the movie "Saved".  I know what happens.
------
*btw - I have two female gerbils, Lucy and Zoe, and they're lesbians -- they live together, sleep together, and cuddle.  It's the 21st century, I feel like the Rapture should be gay-friendly.