Poetry, take 2?

Martyr for Sale

You cry on me and weigh me down.

In the past

I’d have kept asking for more,

But not this time. 

I’m tired of asking,

“Where’s my shoulder?”

“Where’s my ear?”

Where can I get a martyr of my very own?

Someone to listen to my every complaint, my every word,

To be at my beck and call.

I’ve checked e-bay, and even Amazon,

But they’re all out of stock.

I bet they’ve got one at Wal-Mart.

I call customer service and ask for

“Self-help”,

But the lady on the other end “just started here”

And isn’t sure.

She passes me off to a man who says,

In monotone,

“Use the non-committal entrance; make a left by the passive aggressives,

Continue on until you see the obsessive-compulsive aisle, and make a sharp left. 

The martyrs will jump out at you.”

I thank him for that little help, and hang up the phone.

Save Money. Live Better. Walmart.