PMS Face

I love to people-watch. 


If I'm quiet for any length of time, you can be sure that I am in the midst of people-watching.  People are so extremely similiar, it's disgusting. 


Example:
This afternoon, after work, I was on the highway driving home.... well, more like sitting in traffic on the highway, begging any higher power up there to remove the traffic from my way, or at least grant me the superpower to teleport myself (and my car, if that was possible) magically into my driveway... when I came across one of the reasons for the traffic... Accident.


The best part of this accident was that it was one of those rare 3-car accidents.  These are almost as elusive as the lochness monster.  So, as I'm sitting, waiting for the rest of the passengers on the highway to check out this accident, and everything else going on, including watching the deer eat whatever-the-hell they eat on the side of the road, I'm watching these people involved in the accident.  Man number one is the first to venture out of his car -- this is where it starts getting good.  He walks out, hands on hips like a 12-year old girl, and practically marches to the back of his car.  He is wearing the PMS-face, which is already multiplied x 20 with his use of hands-on-hips.  Ladies, if you've ever been pissed off at anyone in your life, you know exactly what the PMS-face is.  For the men, or anyone who doesn't automatically know what this face is, I'll spell it out for you:  the mouth is set in a grimmace, teeth gritted together like if it opens, the world will crumble with the sound of a scream, and the eyes get narrow and look like at any moment lazers will start firing from the iris.


So, PMS-face'd man walks hands-on-hips to the back of the car and starts touching the car, like his finger tips have magical healing powers to fix dented fiber glass.  I shake my head to this man, while I'm sitting in the safety of my own vehicle, telling him "good luck" while the windows are all rolled up. 


I want to know why everyone, including myself, are guilty of getting out of the car after an accident with the PMS-face on, looking at everyone else involved in the situation, giving a grunt-sound, and trying to touch the damage as if you can fix it?!  Looking from the outside, it's just ridiculous.  We are strange creatures, we humans.

Thanksgiving Awkwardness

In the midst of another holiday season, I find myself once again faced with inevitable awkwardness - the dreaded "Where are you going in your life" conversation that always seems to crop up with family and friends that I haven't seen in quite sometime.


Shall I set the scene?


Sitting at the dinner table for Thanksgiving, post-cooking/gathering/buying everything we'll need, but pre-football, dessert, and drinks, I wait for the dreaded questions to ensue.  I am not disappointed in my rising anxiety, for a friend turns to me and says, (in that inquisitive way that makes me cringe, knowing that the other person knows exactly what they're doing to you) "So, Val, how's the job hunt coming?".  Mentally doing an eye-roll, as I knew this was coming but had yet to formulate a witty and appropriately-self depricating, yet resiliently optimistic response, I quickly take a sip of my drink to stall for time.  What am I supposed to say here?  Honestly, people don't want to hear the real response that itches to come rolling off my tongue -- they want the previously mentioned witty and optimistic response, not the 'I-can't-even-believe-you-have-to-ask-me-this-because-if-I'd-found-something-everyone-would-know-about-it' answer.


So, I just turn to him, put down my glass, and say something cookie-cutter-ish like, "Oh, you know, I'm working on it.  Doesn't seem to be much out there for me, but I'm going to keep trying."  I'd like to say something like "Unfortunately, being a snarky, sarcastic, secretly hostile woman with small bursts of compassion rarely gets me anywhere." 


What's worse is I know the follow-up question is always, "What is your degree in?" and my answer, English Literature, always prompts people to say, "Oh, so do you want to teach?"


This question makes me want to slam my forehead against a wall. 
Everytime.


Not just for the fact that if I was going to teach, I would have recieved my teaching certificate and gone for an education degree, but that I have to go into all the reasons why I either don't want to teach, or the reasons that I am not able to teach at the present time, all while thinking to myself that I might just be the biggest loser on the planet because I could have recieved the teaching certificate and wouldn't have to deal with this had anyone in a guidence position in my life suggest that I might as well complete the requirements for an Education Certificate to have something to fall back on, as opposed to letting me waste college credits taking 2 semesters of Religion, of which I remember nothing. 


Thank you, everyone who has ever asked me one or more of these questions, for making me feel like a loser.  I guess it adds character, right?