Thanks, but no thanks.

One of the regulars at my job is an older Chinese lady who comes regularly for dance practice.  She also used to participate in the ESL Literacy Program that we hold once a week.  She has only a slight grasp on the English Language, our idioms, courtesies, and niceties.  The following is a version of the same conversation we have every week.


Me: Hello.
Mama-san: Hi.  You wear these clothes nicely.... very sexy.
Me:  Thank you.
Mama-san: ... you very pretty.  You have pretty mouth, pretty nose, pretty eyeballs...
Me:  (laughs) Thank you very much.
Mama-san:  ... You just need to lose weight.
Me: (looks around, uncomfortably)... Um.. well, I'm working on it.  I've already lost 30 lbs.
Mama-san: That's good.  Now, you lose 30 more.
Me: Uhhmm.. I'm working on it.
Mama-san: Your mommy big woman? Your dad not so big.
Me:  Well, she's not thin, but not that big either...
Mama-san: You need lose weight to get married.
Me: Whoa, wait.. who said anything about marriage?
Mama-san:  Your mommy want grandkids.
Me: I don't care what she wants, I'm not getting married, I'm too young. (Nevermind the fact that boys are icky.)
Mama-san: You have boyfriend? (I have BOIfriends... not boyfriends.)
Me: (laughs) No, I don't have a boyfriend. (Come on!)
Mama-san: Well, you lose weight, you find boyfriend.  You make parents happy with babies.
Me: Thanks, but no thanks. (I'd rather pull my eyes out of their sockets and light them on fire.)