Not Gonna Make It

Indie Ink Challenge Time... Hooray! This week I was challenged by Steffani, who writes inklings (and awesomeness) over here.  My challenge was received by the lovely Alison Newt, who rocked it hard with "The Eldest of Two".  Please Please go read their responses when you're finished here. 

"Not Gonna Make It"

“Now look what you’ve gone and done.  Why did you have to pull in this lane? Obviously everyone is moving over because there is something going on up ahead.  You’re not going to get anywhere being in this lane, idiot, and we are not going to make the show!  I paid good money for these tickets… if we miss it, you’re giving me money.”

She was right. The parkway was a parking lot, and I was trapped in the wrong lane.  Still, there was no need for her to preach to me; it’s not like she’s never made a mistake in her entire perfect life.  No.  She puts her pants on one leg at a time, same as me.  As for giving her money, she’s got another thing coming.  I finance her weekly Spa trips and she gives me nothing.  She can shove these stupid tickets up her tight ass.

“No, Mike, the OTHER lane.  The OTHER lane.  Move over.  No, don’t let him go past you.  You know what your problem is? You’re too nice!  You’re too sensitive; you have no cut-throat instinct!  You need to get tougher.  Are you a man or are you a wuss? Grow a set and merge like you mean it… do I need to get out and stop traffic?”

Am I a man? Of course I’m a man.  Who does she think she is, asking me if I’m a man? How dare she?  If I weren’t a man I would have smacked her across the face right now for her behavior.  Is she a lady? Not that I’ve seen in a long, long time.  She has a mouth like a truck driver.  She burps louder than I do, for chrissake.  Where are her manners?  Where are her lady-like qualities? M.I.A. if you ask me.

“Michael, get your act together!  Christ, and they say women are bad drivers!? They obviously haven’t been in the car with you!  You know I should have driven; we would have already been through the damn Tunnel by now.   I’m never letting you drive to the city ever again…. Michael, are you listening to me?  Am I talking to myself?  What the fuck.”

Don’t answer her.  She’s baiting you.  She wants you to snap so that you’ll be the bad guy for a change.  Don’t answer her.  Don’t answer her. Don’t answer her. Keep it together, kid.

“I’m driving home, that’s all there is to it.  I don’t think I can handle watching you pussyfoot through this disaster anymore tonight.  Oh, see that, the Drive Around It App says that there’s an accident up ahead.  Michael, pull onto the shoulder… the shoulder, Michael!  See everyone else doing it?! Just follow along… you’re good at that…"

No, you know what I see everyone else doing?  I see them working together to get out of a terrible situation.  I see them trying to help the victims of the accident.  You know what I hear all fucking day long, Liz?  I hear the people I love and trust telling me to rid my hands of you, you stupid bitch, but I don’t.  I stay loyal to you because somewhere in that shell of a soul-sucking-dream-killer is the woman that I fell in love with many moons ago.  MANY moons ago.  Ya know what… Fuck this shit.  I’m done.

“Get out of the car, Liz.”

“What do you mean, get out of the car?  Are you insane?”

“You heard me, I said get out of the car.  Now.”

“You’re finally going to grow a spine, after all this time?”  She laughed.  She laughed so hard she snorted.  “That’s a good one.”  

***

Prompt: "Uh, I don't think we're going to make it."