.... Not.
I've been marinating on some of these things for the last couple of weeks, and now I have the time to share them with you fine people. I know that you all will agree, and hope that I won't be considered so much of a "grinch" for sharing these things that piss me off now that it's after "the holidays".
1.) Elf on a Shelf.
This little fucking stuffed elf is Creeptacular with a capital C. Seriously folks, who thought that this was okay? Not only do you have to purchase this shady ass elf doll for $30, but you have to MOVE IT every night for weeks before Christmas, so you can trick your kids into being "nice" until Santa gets to town. This would not make my life easier; this would be a major pain in my ass.
2.) The Reindeer Antlers/Rudolph Nose on cars.
Don't you people have to open your windows ever? What is the damn point of turning your SUV into a fictional reindeer? You look stupid and you make me want to vomit*. You people with the wreaths on your grills, you make me kinda sick, too.
3.) Charity Ask-For-Your-Change People
Okay, taken the wrong way, and this could make me a douche; however, when I go to the store, I don't want to come out and feel accosted by someone for my change. If I have change, I will give it to you, I promise, but don't shake your bell at me and make me feel guilty because you've said "Merry Christmas" with that begging-like-inflection that makes me feel like a scum bag because I used my debit card since I didn't have any cash, and therefore have no change to give you.
Also, the charities near my house are getting more and more crafty with their guilt-inducing-askers... since they're using paraplegics and handicapped people who can't walk/talk/do anything but blink... an interesting development. This pulls on my heartstrings, and I don't like it. I don't want to feel guilted into giving you money. I want to do it out of the goodness of my heart.
4.) Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas".
Enough said, amirite?
What pisses you off during the holidays? What are you glad to see over, gone until this time next year?
is there something wrong with me because i don't know what Elf on a Shelf is? and i've never seen a reindeer SUV?
ReplyDeletei do agree, i hate feeling weird with the give-change thing. and i must have heard that fucking song 35 times this year.... and i never, ever listen to the radio. how did that even happen?
okay, you win. winner!