My Heart's a Stereo.

I dreamed of you last night.

I knew it was a dream the minute I saw what you were wearing: a Yankees hoodie and a Red Sox baseball hat, and in what reality would that ever happen? 

Right, I thought not.

You huffed and puffed around some train station parking lot on the way to a game, fuming that your sister invited me along, steam billowing out your ears.  My subconscious took a little satisfaction in that, I have to admit. 

Even my sleeping brain knows that I'm missing my friend, and the pleasure I used to take in torturing you relentlessly. 

You asked me, before our friendship finally deteriorated, why I hadn't yet trashed you on my blog, and I gave you an answer.  The truth, though, is not as simple as I had let on, but the context remains the same. 

I love you.  

You're a pain in the ass.  You know it, I know it, and if the rest of the world could know you, they'd know it, too.  I've never had any misgivings about the person you are, and you never changed yourself once from the beginning.  You came as is.

I love you, and I had from the beginning, though it took until after the end to realize what kind of love it truly was.  You were part of my life, maybe not for a long time, but it's quality not quantity, and I have a hole in some kind of part of me that is still empty, because it was one that you used to fill.  Was it romantic love, no not really; I think it was more than that. It was knowing that I had an honest friend, a person who I could count on to listen, cheer me up, and laugh with me. It was having someone share my secrets, understand my weird, random, eccentric thoughts and not judge me on them.  

You decided that it would be easier (for you, I'm assuming, since you didn't really give me any options whatsoever) if we didn't talk anymore.  It killed me. It tore me up inside, because the only person I've wanted to call and talk to is the one who wants nothing to do with me anymore. 

I hope this is turning out just how you wanted.  I'll miss you, and so you know, I've still never let you down.  

Just sayin'.