After an incident with my phone this afternoon, I was this close to breaking down and buying the iPhone (with money I don't have). Unfortunately, my current phone is still in working order, and thus, I have no reason to go and put myself in more debt to buy myself a new toy. I mentioned to a friend, after posting on Facebook that I believed my phone to be for-real dead and having it come back to life, that that was a good segue into how I could manage to get someone to buy me the iPhone, or give me enough money to buy it myself. I will now subject you (the tens of tens of you that may or may not read this) with a list of things that I can arguably do to earn money for my new iPhone.
Things I Can Do To Make You Want to Give Me Money
(either because you actually want to, or want to see me go away)
*Sing Vanilla Ice's Ice Ice Baby from memory
-Yes, I can do this. Do you want to see it? No, probably not. However, I believe that this could earn me some money, maybe as a side act in the freak show for Ringling Brothers.
*Do a Cartwheel
-After being dared by Brother Morgan last summer, I proved I can still do this and not hurt myself, which in and of itself is worth something.
*Cheat at miniature golf.
-Aside from the fact that I probably don't even have the money to pay for a game, I think being able to cheat in miniature golf is an exceptional skill that most people lack. I, myself, am a master at this, because it takes legitimate skills to make your opponent believe you actually got a 2 instead of a 4 while they're watching.
*Flip my eyelids inside-out.
-This is one of my most favorite tricks. Most people I show it to are severely scarred for life and refuse to talk to me until I put them back the way God intended them and promise never to do it again... This is where "throwing money at me to go away" would come into play.
*Extracting obscure ringtones from Phonezoo.com and sending them to all of my contacts
-I know how much my Susie loves this, and if she could, she'd pay me money to (not) do this for her everyday. She's practically told me so.
*Recite the 50 states in alphabetical order
Try me. Then, pay me handsomely. (Thank you, Girl Scout Camp)
No applause, just send money.
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