Checking My "Pulse"

49 human beings.

Gone.

Tragedy is what this is, and oh, how it breaks my heart.

Hearing the news of the heartbreaking story of Orlando, Florida's active shooter situation this past weekend has left me with the feeling of stones in my stomach, and sharp words on my tongue. My heart goes out to the families affected by this one person's choice to take something so precious from so many, the gift of life. I cannot speak for others on how to feel, how to react, and how to process this terrible set of events, but I can tell you how it has forever molded me.

I am not straight. I am not gay. I am a woman who is in love with another woman, and we have a beautiful family together. I thank the God of my understanding that I am blessed with all that I have, and I am fortune to live in an area where it is more acceptable to not be heterosexual. The people that I surround myself with are beautiful, accepting, loving, wonderful people who actively want to be in my life, and for them all, I am grateful.

However, seeing something like this happen to my LGBTQ brothers and sisters triggers me to immediately respond with criticism and hate for those opposed to our way of life. I have to continue to remind myself that not all people are lucky enough to live in a place where their "difference" is acceptable; their love story is one of fear and loathing in other parts of the world. My heart breaks for those people who are too afraid to hold their loved one's hand out in public, who are reconciled to kiss a cheek rather than lips, and make sure that they are not touching too long, or standing too close for fear that someone might see.

It's shameful that in 2016 this fear still lurks ever present among us. My gut instinct is to shame those that treat us as criminals, as monsters, as less than. But I also pity them. Closed-mindedness is suffocating, it chokes our souls of the beauty of all that we have and all that we were given and replacing it with cold, dark hate. I feel sorry for those who cannot and will not allow themselves to know the beauty of diversity and acceptance.

I will try to honor those 49 beautiful people who lost their lives in Orlando, and all of the victims of abuse and ridicule from the homophobic and intolerant, by continuing to be the person that I am, trying to educate those who do not understand that the LGBTQ community are made up of regular human beings just like they are, and that we are more than our sexuality. We are your family, your friends. We are your teachers, grocers, dentists, doctors, lawyers, neighbors. We like to binge watch Netflix and have bbqs, take our dogs to the dog park, and go to the beach. We are from all regions, all countries, all nationalities.

We can coexist. The value of our lives does not devalue yours.