What color did you want, sweet heart?

Car shopping.

What a disaster.  Seriously, car salesmen are the most slimey and lecherous creatures on the planet.  (If you're a car salesman and you're reading this, well I'm sorry, and I adore you on a personal level, but you know I'm right.  You're a vulture.)

I recently became in need of a new car.  My little Hyundai went to the big car factory in the sky.  It was a premature goodbye, brought to the light of day when I introduced it to the rear end of an SUV in bumper to bumper traffic, but Hazel had had a good life.  She was trustworthy and lovely, and I am sad to see her go, even though she wasn't what I wanted when I first bought her.  So, since I'm in need of a new car and am a bit more financially stable than I was this time last year when I bought her, I started looking at legit dealers, not those used car dealers where, like in the movie Matilda, they run the odometer backwards and strap some paint and glue on the front end until just about when the warranty runs out.

Needless to say, but I'm going to say it anyway, my adventures with the local car dealers didn't go that well.

The first dealer I managed to shake off, letting him know that I was just looking.  The second dealer, at Toyota, basically insulted me and told me that I might like to look at the more expensive cars he was offering because I "might like the color better."  Please excuse me while I throw up on your shoes, thanks.

The best stop on Saturday had to be at the Hyundai dealer.  My partner in crime for the day, Honey Boo Boo, and I, parked in the back of the lot and tried to sneak in and take a look without being spotted.  We made it around for about five minutes before this man-boy came over and introduced himself and right away I knew I could get over on him. haha. He looked to be about twelve years old, barely prepubescent.

Anyway, so I asked him if he had any preowned cars for sale for ten thousand dollars, because that was my price limit... and he says to me, after pondering for a minute, no we don't have anything for that amount.... so I say okay thank you, and we get ready to leave.  He turns to me and says, "oh, but we have this..." and he brings me to a car that's 10,900.  I just looked at this kid with wondering eyes and he says, "Sorry I'm new."  I said that was okay and I wouldn't give him a hard time, but inside I'm thinking, "you're adorable and you're never going to sell a car."

I wish I knew just a SMIDGEN more about cars so that I didn't feel helpless walking into a car dealership.  Maybe I'll have to do some research.

I wish I had that crazy lesbian gene that enabled me to know a ton about cars, putting things together, and holding in crazy sports facts, all while looking good in cargo shorts and polos.  Yep, that's what I want in my next life.