Last week I ran some errands with my best friend Susie. I was having car troubles, again, and since I had no travel arrangements, I decided to mooch off of her and go wherever the wind took her. That wind happened to take her to the gym, because she wanted to cancel her membership.
We had talked about it a smidge on the ride over, and she explained to me the reasons why she didn't want to keep her membership anymore. I felt they were extremely reasonable, but I told her that it wasn't going to be easy to quit the gym.
When we got to the front desk at the gym, Susie walked in with confidence. Here's how the conversation went down:
Desk Person: Hi, how can I help you?
Susie: Hi. I want to cancel my membership.
Desk Person: ::gasp:: (hand to heart) What do you mean, you want to quit the gym? (looks at manager, hopes he doesn't see)
Susie: Yeah, I want to quit the gym.
Manager: (walking over) Hello, I couldn't help but overhear that you're inquiring about cancelling your membership. Is something wrong?
Susie: No, nothing's wrong, I just don't come here anymore, and I'm tired of paying money for something I don't use.
Manager: Well, why aren't you using your membership?
Susie: I work really far away, and by the time I get home, you're either closed or I'm too tired to come out.
Manager: Oh, you work far? Where do you work?
Susie: I work all the way out in Jackson.
Manager: Oh. We have locations in Jackson. (pulls out map) We have one here, here, here, and here, all within 5 minutes of Jackson.
Susie: Okay... (getting angry) ... but I'm too tired to go after working a 12 hour shift.
Manager: I understand. Why don't you come before you go to work? We have showers, blow dryers, and locker rooms at your disposal.
Susie: I don't care. How can I cancel my membership?
Desk Person: Well, you've got to fill out this form, cut off your left arm, and offer us your first born child... and pay us an additional 2 months membership before we can officially cancel you.
Susie: Okay, fine. (skims the form... comes to question "Reason for membership cancellation:_____") (to me, she says...) Is it okay if I just write "Because"? (laughs)
Val: Go for it.
Manager: Are you sure we can't entice you to stay?
Susie: No, thanks. (finishes filling out papers, throws them across the desk at the desk person, and says) Ok, so we're all set?
Desk Person: Yes, we're all set. So, we'll be charging you for an additional 2 months, as per the contract, and so your membership will be expired in March, pretty much when it was supposed to expire originally. You'll be able to still use the gym until that time, so filling out all this paperwork was really just a waste of your time and our resources. Have a great day.
Susie: Uh... thanks. Bye.
WHY IS IT SO HARD TO QUIT THE GYM!?!?
